he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
