just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize