Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
