Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
