I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
