how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
