i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
