glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
