thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
