I cannot find my penis.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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