if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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