I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
