fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
nutella sex= disaster
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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