he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
