that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
