so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
