you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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