please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
