Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
