I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
