Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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