He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
