I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
