I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
