i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize