omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
