You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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