woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
