Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
