I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
