I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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