i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
