So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize