i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
