if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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