i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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