I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
