I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
