The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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