You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
