dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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