Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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