so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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