There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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