I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
