He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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