Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have already put on my inside pants.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
