Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
