if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
