so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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