does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
