...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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