My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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