I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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