yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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