operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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