just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
