He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
