6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
