I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
