i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
