i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
