dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
