i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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