i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
