I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
