____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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