Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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