he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
